Panic sets in.

“I did it, I started a blog, I wrote an introduction, it’s official I’m doing it!” These were all things I was very proud and excited about. I took the plunge, when I thought I couldn’t, now I just have to stick with it. it was a good feeling, to have made small progress already, I felt almost confident.

….and then a few hours later it hit me, like a Mack truck hitting a feral cat on the freeway, I’d taken the plunge, I’d told people I was writing a blog, I’d started and then panic set in hard and fast. What the hell was I playing at? I can’t write a blog, noone wants to hear my crap, I don’t do enough to write a blog, these people are going to laugh and ridicule me and so they should because Im about to make a complete jackass outta myself. Why did I think this was going to work? I lock myself in the bathroom. The sweats and shaking quickly become uncontrollable. Breathe is getting short. The walls are closing in on me and I feel there is no way out. It’s so hot in here, All i can “hear” is me screaming over and over at myself in my mind that I’m so stupid doing this, I’m in a ball on the ground trying to pull myself together. I cant. I can’t breathe, panic has well and truly taken over. Today it wins.

And 45 minutes later it was done, it was over, I had come back to reality and boy was I exhausted. Have you guys ever noticed how much energy having a panic attack actually uses? Even the shortest 10 minute panics leave me feeling exhausted and sick for hours. I have often wondered if it’s just something my body does as a way to forcibly rest my mind or whether other people feel the same level of exhaustion?

Im scared, I want to run and hide , I want to quit! All the first things I jump to after a big panic. Every time. I’m a runner, a hider, a ignore that ever happened so I don’t have to deal with it type, but instead I am here. Sharing with All of you, putting myself out there with the chance that I will be made fun of, and ya know what guys? I’m damn proud of myself. I’m not quiting. I’m here in all my awkward glory and im sticking with it, one panicky day at a time!

So thankyou guys for the support you didn’t know you had given me and for bearing with me whilst I get started. I don’t know how this is going to play out but I’m in for the ride πŸ’― percent and thankyou so much for joining me

Much love,

Samii

xoxo

Why blog? & why it’s important to me

a blog is a scary thing for me. It’s taken me months to get the courage to take the plunge and start. I am a generally shy person, I keep things to myself, i suffer severe anxiety & depression, I am a mum to young children and don’t go out much, okay, okay I don’t go out at all unless the fortnightly shop at Woolworth’s count’s. Because of all of these things my ability to hold a conversation, make new friends or just put myself out there in any way is very difficult for me & I thought this would be a great way to get myself out there, without you know, having to actually get out there πŸ˜…

So here I am, in all my awkward glory, now what?

Welcomes & Introductions

Hey there guy’s and welcome to my newly launched blog. Thanks for joining in on my sometimes boring, sometimes bipolar life.

I’m Sami and I am 31 years old πŸ‘‹I live in a small regional town called Koorawatha in New South Wales, Australia πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί with my partner, 3 children and our little ginger cat, named Precious 🐈

My eldest is Mary, who is 6, Hannah who is 3 and Stuart who is 8 months old. I am a very family oriented person so you guys will probably hear me talk about them alot -while must mother’s would probably say the same thing ;they truly are the best thing that have ever happened to me and are some days the only reason I continue! I love them more than any words can do justice ❀️

When I said we live fairly regional I’m not kidding, Koorawatha has a population of about 259 people (well according to google) literally, the only things here are a post office, police station πŸš” park and primary schoolπŸ‘©β€πŸŽ“ There are no general stores or cafe’s and the pub, which really was the heart of the town, closed down late last year after years of struggling to remain open. The primary school caters for students from kindergarten to year six and has a Total of 10 student in the whole school (Mary being one of them) the next town over is about 30 kilometres away (Cowra) which we go to regularly to grocery shop etc.

i like to think I’m a fairly down to earth chick, I swear worse than a sailor 🀬 and I tell it how it is. Pretty much what you see is what you get with me. I’m sometimes not for the faint hearted πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

im really looking to getting to know you and sharing my crazy life with you all!

Where are you all from? How old are you all? Do y’all have families or are you guys flying solo. Leave some comments and let’s get to know each other…

🏼